I understand all of this as part of life's growth patterns - all rings in the tree trunk. But my old and practiced ways of moving through the world, and surviving it's blows, seem suddenly inadequate and even dated. My stomach is in knots. My tears are spent. And even those in close proximity to me are questioning my motives and my methods. This has been happening all year long. While I'm not hopeless, certainly, I am cautious. Caution - not usually something I employ. I feel shamed for allowing myself to be emotional and obvious. And I feel stupid for trying to share my life. I don't know what to do anymore except stand in one place, mind my children and make a peaceful nest.
I'm ready for this year of hurting to end.