Sunday, September 09, 2012

Meltdown

It finally happened. I melted down. I unsuccessfully tried to pull a little "I'm okay, I'll take care of it, I got this" out of my empty reserves and fell flat on my face. This summer has whizzed by at a break-neck pace and I've been "on" the entire time. With a willful (but beautiful) four-year-old pulling me in every direction and a squealing, screeching (but beautiful) two-year-old frustrated beyond all imagining by his stroke-induced cerebral palsy and epilepsy condition - I'm spent.

Yesterday, when my baby began making alarm-like screams in the car, I fell apart. Uncontrollable weeping, inarticulate mumbling, heaving weird sobs in between apologies to my dear husband in the driver's seat. Its the first time in a while that I've been totally inconsolable. After catching my breath and having a good ugly cry, my darling Jack suggested I get out of the house and recharge. And so I did.



I drove around for about 40 minutes until the puffiness in my eyes subsided and I got hungry.  Then I ended up at Toulouse - a sweet little French cafe in the Knox-Henderson neighborhood of Dallas. 



Then, like any premenstrual nut job, I ordered a French 75 (champagne, gin and lemon juice), a plate of mussels in saffron broth, and a basket of fries with mayonnaise. If you're ever looking for the antidote to the "bat-shit-crazy-loose-your-cool-mommy-freak-out", than this is it.  See below:



It doesn't matter how great my kids are - and let me tell you, they're amazing - I still need time away.  I knew I was heading down hill when my husband came home from work the other day and I became secretly jealous because he had spent 10 minutes alone in traffic listening to public radio.  I kept thinking, "I would give anything to be trapped on the 75 in bumper to bumper traffic if it meant I could enjoy a few moments alone listening to All Things Considered."

But do you know what makes me feel better?  Well, besides shellfish and champagne cocktails.  Beautiful photos of dreamy bohemain interiors.  So, here's a little something for what ails you.  Or, rather, what ails me.
 

source

source

source unknown

source

source

source

source

See?  I feel better already.


And just for good measure - here are my two kiddos.  
See, I told you they were amazing. 






18 comments:

Abbie said...

We absolutely all do this from time to time and I think it's 100% necessary...like an emotional reboot. I'm sorry you had a rough go of it and I'm so, so glad you had the support of awesome Jack. I'm happy you got some "you" time and shared some beautiful photos with us. You are so loved. <3

Brown Paper & String said...

Brilliant! Love your honesty. Sometimes it just gets to be too much. Having a meltdown is like a reboot. I have two boys 4 & 8 months and I get this too. Hope you are on the up. Jo xxx

Connie said...

Yep....sometimes it just hits you like a Sunday punch. I used to sit in front of the garage door on Peachy Canyon and have a good cry every once in a while. Being the perfect mom, wife, friend and daughter can be a real bitch.

Connie said...

We so get it! I simply don't understand people who never lose it. You are entitled. I love the way you cope with it. Just beautiful. I was flipping out one day and had to apologize to my family for my behavior and my two adorable kids went out & bought me a card on the lines of those Keep Calm & Carry On posters but this one says : Freak Out and Throw Stuff!
Connie*

Anonymous said...

I'm not a mum, so I don't usually have someone screaming to trigger the outpouring of pent up exhaustion and stress. But it still happens when things get too much. And now, when they do, I will be drinking a French 75 to make things better! What a perfect way to soothe things: a nice drink and good food and time to relax! Great post!

Anonymous said...

I raised 4 sons and had many melt downs. Everyone thought I had flipped out but it always made me feel better afterwards.
I hope you feel better :)
Sky

Diana Chapa said...

Hi Sarah, I do believe mommies are suppose to get some me time. I think it should be mandatory. I'm not a mom just a mother who takes care of two sickly mother & nana with a jack russel terrier & cat. It gets very hectic in my home. I know how you feel Sarah. My mom & nana both got put in the hospital at the same time again. I broke down & cried. I let out a good ugly cry & my Indie came up to me while I was laying down & she licked me & snuggled closer to me. I think its necessary to cry & release. We need to get out & recharge our "ME" battery its how we can function again in this busy busy busy world that takes so much from us.

Diana Chapa said...

I just wanted to say keep up the good work with your blogging about Bohemia cause you have many followers that look up too you plus you have a family that loves you & need you constantly. You go & schedule your me time because its necessary.

Katherine Wolak said...

eeeevryone needs that decharge time to yourself! Totally normal :) And of course, your kiddoes are fab! :)

Hugs,

Anonymous said...

Everything is going to be alright!

Thanks for your wonderful posts

A.

Emily said...

I remember this time so well Sarah, when my boys were 2 and 4. Very hard time, and you DO need to get away.
My younger son had challenges too, so I really and truly do understand. Join a book group, or something else where you can get out a night once in a while and have adult conversation. This helped me so much! Now my boys are 13 and 15. It does get easier, but also harder in other ways! Hang in there girl, and I am proud of you taking care of you!!!

Megan said...

Sarah,
Your honesty is so refreshing! I think we all have times like that and then are hard on ourselves for the emotions and not having our act all put together. Although I feel like a crazy person during those times in a weird way I enjoy them because at long last there is relief and the ability to think about why I'm feeling that way. Yay life! :)

Megan

NotesFromAbroad said...

Oh Sarah, you are amazing. You are just being human. Many women melt down from so much less .. some ( me) melt down on a regular basis.
Your own expectations of how much you should be able to handle and cope with are probably too high and too much to deal with ... give yourself more breaks.
Love you, love those babies :) C

Jennifer (from Detroit, Michigan) said...

Wow Sarah, you've lost a lot of weight! Bat-shit-crazy or not, you look wonderful!

Rebecca said...

Mama, you know I feel you. And I agree: there's not much an order of moules frites won't fix.

Mrs. Bianca said...

Even in your flustered "over-it" look, you manage to look gorgeous. Wow. I heart you and I adore Toulouse. It is my secret (i guess not secret) gem and hideout.

Thank you for your honesty.

Meg said...

Lately I've been so tense from work and family issues. But I don't have children and I have asked myself how you moms do what I do plus add kids. I swear, I have no idea. You are amazing, AND you look cute to boot, even when flipping out.

Anklemama said...

I know I've had days recently where that trip to Toulouse would make my soul so so so happy. And you ordered exactly what I would. Miss you so very much my love!!